i really didnt want to go home

i think im gonna miss a big chunk of something important in vancouver this year
while everyone is celebrating hari raya in vancouver
im the only one who gets to spend it in malaysia
i know it sounds silly
who would want to spend raya away from home?
who wouldnt want to spend raya with his or her familiy?
well, they are my family too...a small one

call me selfish
call me greedy
a part of me says that i regret going back home
i had planned to spend the whole summer
to finish up my unfinished games
to walk around to see things and events
to try out new recipes so that my roommate would be proud of me
to send off sud at the airport. i couldnt be there when instead
he was the one who send me off to the airport a month ago
i never get the chance to say goodbye to gilbert
i dont know what happened to him until he's going to sidney now
but then i was called to go back home
and i dont know what else am i missing in vancouver!!!

another part of me says that i shouldnt regret
i got to see my family
i got to see my friends
i got to tell them how much i love vancouver
i got to tell them mat sallehs are really not bad after all
and i got to improve myself

i would say that i would swap this raya with a vancouver one
but to think it in a different view
i havent celebrated raya in malaysia for nearly 3 years
yeah
i should stop whining
i must be grateful with what i have
with everyone that i love all around me

hey!

i remembered the list of games that i made that i sooo wanted to play

i finished them all! 

oh jolly! 

im currently on a break from touching my ps3 

will begin my life as gamer again after my eastern canada trip 

until its time for me to study again this coming september

hopefully my chest xray for tb testing will come out good 

i dont want to stay in the hospital T_T

red dead redemption is a good game, no?

treasure hunting

i'm on a mission to find the greatest treasure in the world

....hope for the best 

emotions

i once believed that i had became a strong person 

because when i was little 

i always cried 

cried when i didnt get what i wanted

cried when i watched dramas 

cried when my digimon died 

cried when i was teased by friends 

i once vowed 

that from that point of my life

when i last cried 

i would never

ever 

cry again 

because i'm a guy 

because i thought this crying thing 

was for girls only 

it was hard to stay not crying 

i cried when i saw things 

or when i realized of something 

or when i was hurt 

or when i felt weak 

but it doesnt mean that i'm soft now 

its just that 

i found a way to let go 

all the worries 

all the problems 

to make myself relieved 

hey don't worry 

i don't do this often 

maybe once or twice every two years

its rare to see me get mad 

its even rarer to see the soft sides of me =)

why im supposed to go back

spending time with three of my besties 

this year theyre planning to go to mount kinabalu

really wish that i'd be in malaysia right now =(

i saw a little angel today

i feel so light headed today

feels like its weightless. literally

last thursday marked the end of my 2nd year in ubc
boy im now halfway done towards graduation!
but before that
finals and summerrrr
finals are dreaded, summer is fun
they may be the hardest yet
6 papers to be answered
hopefully i can make it

im looking forward to play my ps3 actively again
with myra pushing me to do what had driven me to be a fun person back then
now i am able to i to spend time for myself
i know that shes been my no 1 supporter all this time
and i thank you for that
i feel i got that motivation again
lots of games to be completed
just like when i first got the ps3 last summer

its so heavy to even read a book
but i know i have to get through this
and ill enjoy myself later

ps: i have stopped posting my blog into facebook. some posts are too personal for everyone. let them just stay here...

the evolution of a gamer

aku mase kecik2 dulu suke maen game 

sume ni start dr ayah aku (ayah pny psl ar ni!)

satu ari tu die blk keje bwk game 

name die mase tu micro genius (ntah ak pon x igt name btol die)

so since ayah aku jiwa mude lg mase tu 

die pon maen r game ngn aku ngn adik aku

ckp je game pe mase tu

contra, twinbee, chip and dale

sume aku tibai 

tp sbb mase tu ak kecik lg 

mmg x reti haram jadah pe org dlm game tu ckp 

so taram je ar
muahahaha

ni bkn game ak mase tu. game ak maen pakai tape n xde wireless

mak aku pulak lg satu 

dh nmpak ak syok men game

mule la jealous 

so aku ngn adik ak kena r limit men game 

   seminggu leh maen mase weekend je 

maen mase weekend pon leh total selame 3 jam je 

3 jam jee????

ade ke patut 

x membesar aku tau x!

game mase muda2

so disebabkan aku ni kanak2 adventurous

aku merantau

sejauh dr rumah klu boleh  

x jauh pon merantau 

gi umah jiran2 n member terdekat je 

dorg sume ni ad game 

playstation lagi gitu 

kirenye lagi up la dr game tape ak tu 

sbb die pakai cd

maen tekken pon leh sampai gaduh ngn jiran2

aku pon mule la berjinak2 maen game ni

ak ad member name ucu (name sebenar dirahsiakan)

die ni slalu blk skolah same2 ngan aku naik van

ari2 dlm van die cite psl cloud strife, chris redfield bla3 

ak pon mase tu noob lg so ak pon x paham la

pe kejadahnye yg la mamat ni ckp

huahua

klu korg kenal aku 

mesti korg tau aku ni gile pes 

haa mase kecik ni la aku blaja maen pes 

maen kat playstation 

mase tu name die winning eleven 

jepun mali punya 

gambar player die sume kotak2

ala yg pki roberto carlos leh lari dari defense smpi leh score tu 

maen ngn member2 je 

mcm bese r org baru slalu kena sayo (term ni wujud ngn sendirinye pd mase tu x silap aku)

tp last2 bile dh pndai leh sayo org lak smpai nangis 

hahaha ade ke? =p

camne la aku leh ter'hooked' ngn game ni? 

ade lg game ni name die crash team racing 

game ni mcm ala2 mario kart la 

leh men smpai 4 org lg tu 

best gile game ni 

sbb aku selalu menang 

kirenye aku KING la 

undisputed 

sampai ad org kate ak gay ngn playstation member ak tu 

ade ke patut? tah pape!

dr neo cortex yg kt blkg tu. aku mmg suke pki die dlu

aku pon slalu gak pinjam playstation maen kt rumah 

sampai mak aku marah2 (sian mak aku) 

last2 die blikan aku n adik aku ps2 (akhirnye!!)

tapi tu pon lps ak dpt pmr best

punye la lame aku merane nk dpt game sendiri!!

anyway

saat tu la aku jadi gamer sejati
makan game minum game tido game sembahyang (game?)
mmg waktu kegemilangan aku mase lps spm la
aku khatamkan sume game2 yg ade kat rumah
game2 panjang cam gta san andreas n suikoden n ff12 n kingdom hearts
sume ak dah abeskan

aku jugak mase tu wat jelajah
maklum la mase tu selalu cilok motor ayah
pegi sayo org dlm pes

aku dapat tgk proses tumbesaran mamat snake ni spnjg aku maen game mgs hukhuk

last2 aku kena antar gi canada
aku mmg target nk beli ps3 kat sane
tp ak tunggu smpai ade duit dlu
n then bile dah ade
aku beli banyak gile game
tapi ak maen sekadar nk abeskan game je skrg
sebab aku rase ak dah hlg feel die
aku try bli lagi
tp aku akan hlg minat lps maen lame2
aku cube cari punca
aku pon try bli ff13
hopefully die leh spur balik minat aku 

heh
mungkin sebab usia
atau aku rase ade tanggungjawab laen aku kena pikul
game2 menarik sume aku jual
n aku baru je jual pes2010 aku smlm
aku dah x same dah
nmpaknye aku dah besar

ff13.benci vanille.vanille gedik gile.benci pompuan gedik

*a dedication to those who had shared their wonderful gaming experiences with me* 

today was a fairytale

well, not really a fairytale. i spent my whole day staying at home doing assignments and lab report. talk about a chilling weekend huh? i think that i'm already 'lali' with all midterms that are coming up. that's because we keep having at least one midterm each week. for a student who is taking 7 courses this term, its called suicide. wahaha.

i think i need a break. i've started doing all the things that i loved again. i turned my ps3 on(finally!), played some good games(the games still made me stressed out, but not in an academic way), and i started running today. it was a solid 2km run, but i know back then i could run farther than that. perhaps the cold wind that blew against me took away all my problems. for once i felt that i'm alive again. the freshness after taking a shower really makes me love it. i think i have discovered my new self! ok get back to work!

oh i want u!! muah muah muah

lets make this forever

i stumbled upon this while i was browsing through some photos

this, i made when we were still new

happy anniversary sayang 

i know that im not that mr romeo that u always dreamt to have

or the macho, handsome guy like in ur romance novels 

or the sweet guy who could spoil u with gifts 

or the sweet talker who could melt ur heart everytime ur pissed  

but im trying 

as hard as i could 

to be the best for u 

to make the best for u 

one year is just a beginning

a hundred years is still a long shot 

but we'll make this forever right? ;)

i love you

*okay sape2 nk muntah leh pegi skrg*

getting tired n tensed

i still can't figure out
why am i still unable to make myself organized???
when i finally got to free myself
i had to face another workload
kerjaaaaaaa
ive been missing too much already
now i come to classes
with a big mouth opened
terlopong

trust me
its no fun to go out early in the morning
and get home late at night
just to prepare to go to bed
now with weekends fully booked
i have no lifeeeeee
i have no time for myself
and for my family
of course i have time for Allah(duh)

maybe i should start doing something fun
things that i enjoyed doing a few months back
things that give me something to look forward to
when i was alone at home

i need to keep myself sane
before i go to the 18th floor on marine drive
n jump to death.

a note to everyone

have u ever wondered

how much u meant to other people?

year by year

u met many people

they came and went

perhaps they even left footprints on u

but

how deep was ur impression on other people?

how did u fare with other people's feelings?
how important are u to them?

its like having a family

they matter to u the most
cause u love them
what about with other people?
do u make urself loved?
or even remembered?

thats why
sometimes
u have to be the one
who does it first
u cant expect to get the same treatment
but at least u tried
it may not happen tomorrow
or even in a million years
but it will
eventually
when suddenly u realize
that u r special

i walked on this earth my whole life

and i've seen many people
along my journey
i learned a lot
to cherish what i have in life
the bonds
that tie us all together

so thanks
to those who remembered
for making this a special day
and to show
how much i mean to u all

22 is a not a small number
but its worth 22 years of experience
buckle up
its time to grow up
haha

happy birthday

whats in the box?

i once lived in a box

it was a big box

filled with everything that i needed in life

there was no terror

no breakups

no uncertainties

this is the ideal life that ive been given

i was raised properly

i was fed

i was pampered

i was loved

these were enough for me

nothing seems to make me worry

all i just had to do

was to grow

and to become a better person

my parents were great

they worked so hard to make everything sufficient for us

they didnt spend much on themselves

all their money were spent on us

they didnt ask for anything back

they just wanted

for their children

to study hard

and be a good person in the future
i love them both

but when i grew up
i realized that i wanted to go outside the box
far away, away from the box
i was bored with this life
i was tired of being shaped
i wanted to be like everyone else
like a free bird
i could go anywhere
without rules
be whatever i wanted
without anyone to put an eye on me
i cherished that life
im gonna get it someday

but
a little princess had once told me
i was very lucky to have that box
i had a loving family (i still do)
i have siblings who look up to me
and think
"hey, someday im gonna be like abang"
i was shaped into a good person
a person that gives people love and hope
a person who has dignity and responsible
a leader who takes care of his people

at first
i didnt understand it
because i kept lacking self confidence
but when i saw
looked
read
experienced
i should have been grateful all this time
maybe im maturing
i dont see my youth habits as interesting anymore
and i asked myself for more space
i only focus on my responsibilities now
things that can help shape my future
because someday im gonna create my own box

but now
i still have targets in life
before i return to my box
back for good

us in front of our 'box'